Tag: existential

Everything Is Good

Everything is good

I’m having my period

and my abdomen feels like something died inside it

but that’s okay

 

I have a roof above me

I have food in the fridge

so I’m grateful

 

everything is okay today

I have nothing to complain

 

existential anxiety

has been crawling inside me

for the past few weeks

 

family

school

boyfriend

school

state of mind

money

school

boyfriend

state of mind

money

depression

depression

depression

freaking depression

 

sleeping was a problem

it still is

I would wake up in panic attacks

gasping

shaking

reaching my hands out

searching for something to hold onto

and ended up with air and tears

 

but all that seem okay today

at least at this moment

when I’m writing this down

it seems okay now

everything seems okay now

 

I’m at this moment

like a suspense in time

I see yesterday

I hear tomorrow

but I don’t have to touch either

everything has stopped

the worries frozen

so everything seems okay now

 

no crisis to deal with

no one to socialize with

no obligations to oblige to

no one for me to worry about

no one to fake a smile to

no deadline to be alive and striving for

 

that’s it

this moment is it

when everything stops

boyfriend away

family and friends nowhere near me

just me

and me alone

frozen in time

 

so everything is good now

today

this moment

it all seems okay

 

quiet

everything is quiet

my mind and surroundings

all tranquil and resting

even my phone

just sits there

not ringing at all

I’m not waiting for any messages

or notifications from social media

 

everything is quiet and everyone far away

so it all seems good now

I get to just be with me

 

and I’m writing this down

not because I have another episode

of sadness to unleash

or anger and anguish

that never escaped me

 

I’m writing this down

this is new

about how everything seems okay now

when time is frozen

I am in the middle of yesterday’s tears

and tomorrow’s worries

and I’m writing this down

about how everything seems okay now

 

no baggages to carry

nowhere to hurry to

no one to hold my hands

nothing is happening

and that makes everything okay

 

I have 2 hours more of this

these sacred 2 hours more

for me to cherish

before time starts spinning

and everything speeds up

and today

sealed and bottled up

like a sweet sweet dream

untraceable

unreachable

and slowly forgotten

 

until next time

until god knows when next time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Ever

Do you ever just wake up

And wonder where you are

How you have gone here

And what you have become

 

When you look around

And notice how everyone

Has the same look as you

That lost look

 

People and things

Are not at

where they are supposed to be

Their souls are stuck in a matrix program

Which probably explains the lost look

 

They know

Their real home is at somewhere else

 

The sunset makes the whole busy city go golden and then blue

And then comes darkness

And the long nights that eradicate our doubts

for the authenticity of our existence

 

Then follows

the smell of freshly cut grasses

First cup of coffee in the morning

The blood-like red roses

That make us say

What a wonderful world

 

So we move our eyes away

From the mirror

The spoon we use to eat cereal with

Where we can see our own reflections

We move our eyes away from

The things which remind us

Of the questions we all have in mind

The authenticity of our existence

 

Or how much we try

To not dwell

on the lost look we all have

From time to time

Since before everything started

 

We talk and smile

with sadness and anxiety

in our subconscious minds

We see the skin the hair the fine array of people we interact

Trying to find meaning at the wrong places, on the wrong people

 

if you look closely enough

You will notice

the lost look we all have from time to time

For far too long