A W.A.R.M. Poem


When you feel cold inside

Lonely and blinded

Lost in this tunnel without any light

We will share our warmth with you

Let you know we are all the same

On this stage we call life


Suffering too

But we will hold your hands

And we will march together

In this tunnel without any light


I promise you

One day you will see

The meaning behind our destiny

One day,

it will all makes sense to you

one day,

you will feel the warmth surrounding you

like it always has been



Our pain is anonymous

Our struggle is anonymous

Our names are anonymous

Our existence is anonymous


But that is only for today

One day,

Our pain will transform in to the starry night

of Van gogh’s beauty

our colors

will be so vivid that it ignites fire in the heart of others


one day,

our struggle will be no more

our past will be known

it will no longer be anonymous

it’s name will be bravery


one day,

our names will be told

for we are the ones that stand straight

when our worlds are crumbling


for we are the ones that love

as many people as we can

along the way


for we

are the ones

that never stop reaching out


one day,

our existence will shine as the light

at the end of other people’s tunnels

our existence will leave traces of footsteps

for the lost ones to follow

and one day,

they will find their paths too



Side by side, we are not alone

No matter what it was like before

It will be like that no more


Picking up the pieces of yesterday

Together we complete

the most complicated puzzles in the world

broken pieces glued back together

joint effort

we find our lost selves

rediscovering dignity that we thought disappeared

reinforcing the strength that was hidden deep inside


together, we see our destiny

together, we conquer

together, we support each other

together, we build our own stories

together, we are no longer alone



we see your true mentality

not the mask you wear

painted by society


with us, you can take your mask off safely

with us, we are connected mentally

with us, we will support you unconditionally

with us, you can be the you

that you have always meant to be


women anonymous reconnecting mentally,


We are free from society’s norms

We do not need to conform anymore

We are creating our own identity

We are reclaiming control

We are the differences

we want to see

in the world








Am I Taking Back Control

Am I taking back control

by doing this

I ponder as I sit

with a bottle of sleeping pills before me

I stare at it

As I ponder if I am taking back control

By doing this


According to Buddhism

I chose to be reborn

If that is the truth to be told

I regret it

I regret being born

Growing up in this world

I regret it

I regret choosing to come back

to this


I am drained

No energy left

Did I consent to being born

Did I agree to this world


I was sent into a cosmic

Which is a bad mistake

Sometimes I think

I am the bad mistake



What is a mistake

Choosing life or ending it

Taking back control

because I didn’t agree to it


I ponder as I sit

with a bottle of sleeping pills before me





Dear Depression

Dear depression,


I am not your possession

You cast a shadow upon me

A shadow that follows

A shadow that swallows

all the light there is in me


Dear depression,

You convinced me

that I am yours to own

You are my bully

My murderer


Dear depression

But I am not your possession

You did not kill me

You did not take away the fire in me


Dear depression,

When you tell me to jump from the window

I say no

When you tell me

Existence is only hollow

I say no

When you tell me I am forever alone

I have my boyfriend’s hand to hold

And I say no


Dear depression,

I will not give you my submission

I am not your possession

I am not yours to own


Dear depression

For every tear you make me shed

I will giggle and and laugh a thousand times more

For every suicidal thought you put in me

I will think of my family

For all the energy you steal from me

I am determined

not to let you win


You may make me weak and stuck in bed

With the kind of exhaustion sleep can’t fix

But you can’t take away my belief

You can not deceive me

I will not drown like this


Dear depression,

I am not your possession

Or your puppet


For every reason you demand me to die

I will give you a thousand more reasons to stay alive


Dear depression,

I am telling you

I will not vanish without a fight

I am telling you

There are so much more for me to do

In this life

I am telling you

There are so much more I want to achieve


And you

Dear depression,

You sneaky thief

that steals and lies

You will not conquer me

I am not one of your shadows

I am not yours to own


Dear depression,

I am not yours to own.




There Are No Seats For Me On The MRT       

There are no seats for me on the MRT

Dark blue for the priority seats

But no seats for the blue body that carries me


The blue mind

The blue mind that made me consider suicide



The blue mind made me consider suicide


I still managed to be alive

Barely living

Struggled but finally got out of the door

Just to go to school


I am barely alive

I have died a million times

resurrected just as many



There are no seats for me on the MRT

When I missed my meals three days in a row

When I stayed in bed and it was a world’s distance

From my bed to the door

When I stared at the ceiling in darkness three days in a row



I am still perishing,

But I got out of the door

and tried my best to go to school

But the dark blue priority seats

are not for the dark blue mind

is my mental health not a priority?

Is my existence not a priority?


The lady next to me asked if I was sick,

Because I sat on the dark blue seat with my dark blue mind

I replied “yes”

She said,

“doesn’t seem like it.

You look young and healthy”



My dark blue is invisible

My scars are invisible


I fight with my Illness every day

And every moment


Yet when I am feeling my worst

When I barely have the strength to live

When I am broken into a thousand pieces

When I am just trying to go to school

There are no seats for me on the MRT

Lost Meaning

When we do something over and over again

It loses its meaning


We say I love you to each other

Over and over again

And it loses its meaning


We kiss over and over again

And it loses its meaning


We talk about our days

Over and over again

And it loses its meaning


I breathe and breathe again

Until it loses its meaning


I am drowning in this ocean of lost meaning

Soaking in despondency

But you are on a safe boat

Not rocky nor defeated


I am drowning in this ocean of lost meaning

You reached out your hand

Attempting to pull me back

I see your eyes, shining

Like how you’ve always looked at me

Full of hope and affection

I’m afraid I can’t live up to your expectation


You reached out your hand

With that smile on your face

The smile a bit brisky

A bit naughty


You’ve gazed at me with those eyes and smiles

Since the beginning of our stories

The voices in my head is in repetition

About how one day

I’ll look at you like that

But by then you will look at me

like how I’m looking at you now


You ask what can be done

To get me back on the boat

And I say no to every suggestion

I guess because of self-loathing


I think I need to drown

After all, I have fought and lost

Perhaps in the water is where I belong

This ocean of lost meaning





simple logic does not apply here

colorful flowers grow in river

In our hands they disappear

leaves fall down from trees

but flow in air


They flicker

In all the ways we perceive


There is no time here

I lay under the sun and see

clouds forming into shapes of faces

faces I had known but not here with me

the clouds are moving paintings

telling stories

forever changing


I grab the leaves which flow in air

gaze deep into their golden surface

In the reflections I see

those who I love and hold dear

still in different layers in space

they are not here beside me

but one day they will be


In the jades that hang on trees

I see all the creatures I had been

my cycle of life that never stopped spinning

until now

for once I am finally free

free of birth and death

free of love and hate

completely liberated


in this land

existence is not important

I exist in the breeze

in flowers

in the river

in oceans

I am whatever I want to be


in this freedom I see clearly

there is a reason for everything

not necessarily a meaning

in this land there is no sadness

no need to search for meaning in things

for I have come to the end of the beginning

for the kingdom of heaven is within


The Mask

we all wear it

the mask

a smile or a dance

laughter or music


scars hidden

we don’t talk about it


for a conversation

it’s not always the best topic


loved ones in the past

whom we sealed in a bottle

because they hurt us

and we haven’t let go

or we let them fall

and they left for another land

or they hurt themselves

and we could have done something about it


we don’t talk about it

the things that pained us

the sadness we thought we buried

that comes out when we don’t notice

the mistakes we have made

the loneliness we feel in bed


the nights we toss and turn

because the mask has fallen

the wounds are not transparent

not disguising its existence


we don’t talk about it

but we all wear it

the mask

it seems like a taboo

to talk about you

or me

or him

or her

or being lost again


we have been taught

what’s positive or negative

what’s strong and what’s weak

to snap out of it

so we wear a mask

so the things we are afraid of

won’t be brought up

so we won’t be blamed again


we wear a colorful mask

when we are hollow all day

suffering in our own way

but we don’t talk about it

afraid to be judged

afraid to cause harm

afraid to be exposed


just afraid

the mask covers so we don’t have to face


we all wear the mask

pretending to be okay

at a dinner party

friends’ gathering

important jobs

or maybe in a pub

characters we play

on this stage we call life


we should start talking about it

we should stop the judging and start understanding

start loving

start forgiving, you and me

we should leave people better than we found them

not let them fade

behind the mask


we should start talking about it

we should be okay with not being okay

with every hey are you okay

it should be a question full of love and respect

not a social gesture that’s a bit awkward


we should make others comfortable

feel safe

feel less alone

because in the end we are all the same

we are together in this place called life

and we should stop wearing the mask

by being the one that starts loving