How did I get here?
My sorrow
The endless pain is always there
Lurking and ready to launch an onslaught
I marched upon the corpse of my own
I have died so many times
And resurrected just as many
my every decease
is blurred in memory
and so is my every birth
scattered in yesterday’s history
I may not remember my birth
Or my death
But I remember the hurt
It lingers and accumulates
I remember my heart ached
For all the times I’ve passed away
My heart mourned
Every time when I was born
I remember the hurt
So much
Like a river that never dries
Finding its way to the ocean
The ocean of pain
I cannot feel anymore
This life
I cannot bear another
I cannot confront the sadness
that has dwelled inside me
since the beginning of time
not anymore
I am used to it
Afraid of it
Sick of it
But depend on it
Because without it
What am I ?
My illness
may be the most interesting thing about me
My illness is my curse
My illness is punishment for my existence
it makes sure the fortunate incidents
turn into a miserable experience
It is present when I’m joyful
present when I am despondent
present when good things happen
I am completely drained because of it
No more energy left
for another pointless battle
I cannot conquer or win
I have tried
Yet it mocks me with each victory
I am scared and numb and tired
All at the same time
I just want to be free of this chain
Free of this world
I just want to disappear
Like what the sadness has wished
