For once I am grateful
Things are not perfect, I know
And things never will be
They can’t be
I will always be looking
into other people’s windows
What’s in their homes
I will always want a complete family
One that is happy
I realized years ago
I made it my personal quest
To find the perfect family
joyous and flawless
As if finding one
could bring me answers
I think years ago
what I wanted was hope
A possibility that one day
I could be happy too
I just didn’t know
But it was an unpractical dream
I did find happy families
But the happiness
was never permanent
Happiness wasn’t supposed to be present
at all moments
Even the one family I found
That came closest to what I supposed
a happy family should be
There are still hard times, disappointments
But during those moments
They surrounded each other
with love and acceptance
No blaming, no anger, no quarrels
Just support and acceptance
Not even a moment of hatred
I guess at that point
I kind of found ‘the’ family
And I wanted to make it mine too
They let me in
Included me like one of them
I thought I was finally happy
But there was still some void inside me
I noticed them
when I was trying to look away
The quest was a failure
I found ‘the’ family
But it still couldn’t fill up
the emptiness in me
When they eventually told me
about my family
For once I found contentment
Felt relieved
Because they thought we always looked so happy
And that they always saw so much love
When my father looked at me
The way he looked at me
They thought ‘we’ were the perfect family
The one I thought had been broken
They thought we were perfect
Somehow I had no memories
of what they were saying
But that gave me relief
I finally found answers to the questions
which I didn’t know I had
My father did love me once
They saw what they wanted to see
And thought we were perfect
I saw what I wanted to see
And thought they were perfect
But besides all that
Every family has their difficulties
No matter how fortunate they seem
There are still stories untold
Kept as secrets
Hoping others won’t notice
Keeping the appearances of perfection
Years later now
I’d say we are finally happy
Separated and apart
But happy
Most people would say
we are a broken family now
But individually
we are happy and content
Together we support each other
With love and acceptance
like I once witnessed myself
We are not perfect
But we are happy
We don’t have much
But we are happy
Like how mom and dad once were
They didn’t have much
But they were happy
Hope kept them together
Their imagination created the future
They were young and fulfilling dreams
Not perfect but very happy
And maybe now I can be too
Butterfly Poetry 