A week after I died
I’m hollow inside
Deep in the chasm
Even in the brightest of times
It is only darkness
That’s been cast upon me
I do not know the face of passion not now or before
The touch of love
Is a fading fingerprint once lingered on my body
It was once memorable
And now forgotten
For I am hollow inside
And love is in exile
I am
Somehow existing but not existing
Somehow reaching my fingers out to touch
To feel again
but nothing ever comes back to me
A week after I died
I thought I would meet my grandmother
And I can tell her
How proud she should be of her son
But there is nothing and no one in this chasm
Day after day
I reach out my fingers
And nothing is tangible
I see only scars on my wrists
They have stopped bleeding
But I feel like blood
is still leaking out from my fingertips
And perhaps I am disappearing in this chasm
Bits by bits
like I was before in life
I thought ending my misery
is a permanent solution to all the problems
I thought I would see light in the end of this tunnel by doing so
I thought angels would come
And embrace me with their soft wings
They will tell me
Everything is okay now
You are saved
A week after I died
I am hollow inside
Deep in the chasm like I was before in life
Life is a far away concept now
I am hollow inside and half empty
Exactly what I was before in life
I am doomed to be lonely in this chasm
In which I am constantly falling
But never landing
Trust me
I have tried to land
What beauty it should be
if I could eradicate the pain once again
the sorrow
the forever emptiness
That defies every law in the universe
To keep me falling
But keeping me from landing
The struggle doesn’t end
I have come to believe
Landing is a fantasy
Like how death was to me
I can hear my mother’s voices
My brother’s tears at night in bed
My father’s quiet whispers to god
And you, your silent tears that drop down
when you least notice them
I thought yes, you would mourn for me
But after some time
The universe could do without me
And you would stop mourning
Accepting the facts
And you will move on
Like how you always have
Look behind the pavements
They are built with blood and tears
And I am just one of them now
I never meant to hurt
You
I thought
I was doing you a favor
I thought the universe would be better off
without me
Without another phony existence
I was doing you a favor
In the long term
So I can stop hurting you
And you can stop breaking my heart
without knowing it
I thought
I am but a variable in the function of universe
Replaceable
Waiting to be proved to exist
To be calculated
I waited for too long to be deciphered
Emotions turned into ashes
Until I believe so deeply
That I wasn’t necessary
Perhaps I was a mistake
A miscalculation
And I was correcting the faults by doing so
A week after I died
I am falling in this chasm
With echoes of the voices from those I used to love
I still love them, I think
If I can remember what love is
Butterfly Poetry 