people – Page 2 – Butterfly Poetry

For how Many Times

For how many times

we sob in the dark

Alone

Silent

For how many times

we believe in the person

Who claimed to help

Yet keeps us in suspense

Because they have their own problems too

For how many times

We wait to be saved

Until we are tired of waiting

And we only fall deeper

Still left alone

For how many times

we tell ourselves

everything will be okay

When we feel like a wreckage

For how many times

we drag our dead bodies along the way

Just so we can see the light at the end of the tunnel

For how many times

we look fear in the eyes

And cry but never give up

For how many times

we are melting down inside

But still keeping a smile on the outside

For how many times

We betray our heart

Just so we can get a nod

from someone else

For how many times

our tongues deceive our soul

Until we are lost in all the lies

For how many times

we seek death for relief

Yet see the sins we commit

For how many times

we punish ourselves

for the mistakes we made in the past

And hate ourselves for it

For how many times

We forget that we

Are a work in progress

For how many times

we do something over and over again

Until it loses its meaning

For how many times

we say I love you

Repeatedly

Until it becomes an empty promise

For how many times

we break others’ heart

Just so we can protect our own

For how many times

we wail in the shower

Hide in the closet

Cry our lungs out

And come out wearing a mask

For how many times

we hide and hide and hide

Until we disappear

Until the world forgets about us

Until the universe has decided to stop torturing us

For how many times

God closed down one window

And forgets about us

For how many times

we pick up the shattered pieces of yesterday

And try to glue them back together

In vain

For how many times

we feel like we don’t belong

Like a burden

Unwanted

For how many times

the only thing we fear

Is life itself

In this Ocean

I am a carved wooden boat

with the ever-changing wind I float

I guess we are all lost in some degree

Eyes blinded and cannot see

In this Ocean

I am a carved wooden boat

I turn my head around

Struggle to float against the force

my body stiffen

eyes wide open

with all the strength

the unassailable flow of nature I defy

Just to gaze again

at the breathtaking scenery

which I once sang and danced to

In this Ocean

I am a carved wooden boat

always almost immersed by water

but would never let myself be smothered

because of the moon upon me

that I have made a promise to

I will always be empty

The carpenter who made me

have not seen me in the ocean

The sailor who once paddled me

Left after the fourth sunset we watched

And I will always be searching

for a shore that I can call home

but will always end up with the cold embrace of the waves

I let the storm fill me with the rain

convincing myself that rain

can do what glue does

Rain will piece me back like a puzzle

Rain will appease the tempest in me

When the stars come out and the rain stop

I realize that the rain drops

were the reason why

there was a tempest in me at the first place

but I still miss how the rain showered me

and how comforting it was to not be empty

I blame the clouds for taking my heart away

It would be the twentieth sunset

that I realize

rain belongs to somewhere else

a garden or a river, perhaps

I will always be saying goodbye

to the carpenter who made me

to the sailor who once

taught me everything about the ocean

to the waves that pushed me forward

to the sunrise and sunset

to the cruises that sometimes pass by

and with every goodbye I say

there is a crack somewhere on my body.

Someone somewhere

Once told me a story about how there is a lighthouse

in the end of this ocean

I do not believe it

I have been floating alone

for too long

and the idea of a lighthouse

sounds only like a story

I have counted the sunset too many times

That I stop waiting for it

I start to enjoy the darkness

that follows the sunset

I rejoice in how lost I am

I wonder if I am also like the lighthouse

Just a story someone carelessly mentions

I ask yet again the moon

for some sort of wisdom

the ocean water has never been warmer or brighter

I don’t remember ever reaching out for this softness

It seems like the ocean water has been holding me up

from the very beginning

I just never really looked at them this way

Then I remember the story someone once told me

About how there is a lighthouse

In the end of this ocean

It became my only dream

I imagine

This sublime white tower

this building that looks as jaded as I will have become

emitting light into the impalpable

somehow

It would let me close my eyes

And drown

I would hear the sound of nothingness

in the bottom of this ocean

When I open my eyes

I will feel the touch of the lighthouse

As loving and gentle

like the first time I sailed

I would find myself

a part of the tower now

Emitting lights into the depths of the darkness

Note to Self: Things I’ve Learned from Depression

Embrace every moment

You are not depression

You are more than your illness

resentment

is a cage you need to escape

resentment against others

is always resentment against oneself

Fear is not to be afraid of

Look fear right into the eyes

they are not the enemy

do everything with grace and integrity

love your own company

Your emotions are valid

Don’t deny them

Observe them

Understand and accept

Don’t be afraid to fail

Mistakes and failures constitute success

Learn with acceptance

never devalue yourself

when someone achieves what you are aiming for

be happy for them

They probably work just as hard as you do

if not more so

try to go outside at least once a day

don’t dwell in an episode

it’s okay not to be okay

and love as many people as you can

along the way

Give

Give everything you have

and ask for nothing in return

It’ll make you a happier person

Be who you needed

when you were younger

you have fought

to be the person you are today

don’t underestimate

the strength you possess within

and don’t degrade others

just so you can feel better

stand tall and firm

for what you believe in

but reserve the right to be wrong

at all times

constantly and regularly

examine your opinions

Make sure they don’t evolve into prejudices

Always be curious

Ask questions

Fight for your rights

don’t compromise yourself

you are all you’ve got

Happiness and realization

come in the most unexpected forms sometimes

Never reject anything at first sight

don’t be afraid to change

We are all different people throughout our lives

and that’s good

We have to move on

Allow others to change too

you can’t find peace by avoiding life

Focus on one day at a time

Let other people’s biases stay as their biases

It is what you do at the moment that defines you

And that changes all the time too

there’s always room and time

for acts of kindness

there will always be uncertainties

We are all lost in some degree

and that’s okay

we are all the same

Everyone’s struggling with something

We all get desperate sometimes

So be kind

you don’t need to have sex to be sexy

your sexuality is yours

Own it

you don’t need to be hungry to feel pretty

please exercise and eat

Take care of your body

you’re gonna need it

If you see peace

you can find energy

If there’s not much you can do

grow a plant, or anything

then at least

you’re doing something good for earth

Don’t go wherever the crowds go

You matter the most

do what feels right to you

never judge

You always know less than what you think you do

You are enough

you are many things

yet there’s one thing you never do

you never give up

It’s all luck

Don’t take credit for your success

nor blame others for your failure

always put yourself out there

Try new things

Remember that you can always go home

The kingdom of heaven is within

Remember your religion

You are not other people’s voices in your head

you saved yourself

You,

you did it

Introverted

There’s too many people

In the living room

Making small talks

Covering the basics

What they do

Where they’re from

The weather’s looking rather good

Jokes about whatever it is

I wonder if we can skip

These small talks

Meaningless small talks

Killing time

Disguising awkwardness

I wonder why we do this

Meaningless small talks

Covering the basics

Repeating it

To everyone newly met

Disguising awkwardness

Killing time until the party ends

We go home with nothing but jokes and names

of someone we still barely know

Acquaintances

Is what small talks make people into

Not friends

Just someone you met at the party

I wonder why we do it

Gather together

Using small talks to fill in the gaps

Meaningless and dull

Just because we have to

It makes me uncomfortable

Is this what we’re doing with our time

It stresses me out

We could have been doing something else

Anything but this

Is it just me

Or does small talks really cheer people up

Bring them together

Like their laughters are genuine

Because I know mine’s not

Sitting there wondering

Is this why we’re all here for

Talking about food

Nodding but not listening

There’s too many people here

People I’ve never met

And maybe never will again

I’ll forget about their names

Their Interests

Or what they look like

After a few days

So why are we doing this

Hanging out

Talking about everything but nothing

Trying to be part of something

More people are coming in

And it makes me feel queasy

The room is not big enough

And the noises are too loud

People trying not to miss out

I guess anyone could do without this party

After all it’s just for fitting in

With a bunch of new strangers we will soon call friends

But really, we still don’t know much about them

Or will forget about them soon enough

So why are we doing this

Something that will lose its meaning tomorrow

Talking about everything but nothing

Laughing to jokes awkwardly

But don’t really understand why it’s funny

Is this what we really are

Consists of small talks

Everything but nothing