Black and Blue

When I first met the dark shadow

I was sixteen years old

They sat on my pillow and whispered to my ears

Noises that sounded like words

 

I took a look at its black and blue

And noticed how it was slightly penetrating me

The voices became louder

Existence is futile

I was told

You are a burden

I was told

 

That was the first time I met the dark shadow

The faces of black and blue

As I listened to its noises that sounded like words

It took away a piece of my soul

 

I was eighteen years old

The black and blue were no longer gentle

They dwelled inside me and fed on pleasure

Exhale cruelly nothing but woe and sadness

I could feel the fragmental pieces of my soul

Started to vanish

Little by little

 

I was nineteen years old

I could not envision a world

Where there are no dark shadows

I could see myself fading away

Colors coming off of my body

Disappearing into the winds

I was a funeral in process

Drowning in black and blue

Gasping for air

 

I was twenty years old

I had forgotten how to smile

There is nothing left in me

Resistance is exhausting

I thought

 

Therefore, one night

Black and blue guided me to the kitchen knife

Taught me how to use it

Guaranteed that this was the only remedy to my agony

I heard they say

You died many years ago, anyway

You are a burden, anyway

A waste of space

A mistake

A flawed creature

Come on

Just do it

And end this inane existence

 

I am twenty one now

Black and blue are still inside of me

The mark I made on my left arm

Still itches somehow

It is the screeching sound made by black and blue

The traces of their mockery

But I

I am still here somehow

I am still here

 

I am twenty one now

I am learning how to breathe

Black and blue still talk to me

But I have learnt how not to listen

 

I am not

a burden or an apology

I am a flawed creature

But that does not make me any less of a human

I am a warrior

I am a survivor

 

Black and blue are still inside of me

But I am not just black and blue this time

I am also love, compassion and kindness

I am the mixture of everything

Everything that I have ever seen or heard

 

I am not

Not just black and blue this time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: WARMtaipei

WARM is a weekly meeting where women with similar states of mental health can come and share their stories, talk about what they are going through. We provide a safe, warm, and nonjudgmental environment where you can be supported and know that you are not alone. We welcome ladies from all backgrounds and walks of life to be a part of our growing network of support! __________________________________________________________________ WARM是一個每週一次的會議,可以讓有相似心理健康狀況的女性來分享她們的故事,談談她們正在經歷的事情。我們提供一個安全,溫暖和非判斷性質的環境,您可以得到支持,並知道您並不孤單。我們歡迎來自不同背景和各行各業的女士成為我們日益增長的支持網絡的一部分!

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